Wednesday, August 31, 2011


CRAZY BAND “FUCK YOU” ALBUM REVIEW
BY QUEER “F-THAT” SPRZ
PHOTO BY NIGEL LARRYBOAT
WHAT ARE THESE APES LOOKING AT? ITS THE GD INSERT FOR THE 1ST CRAZY BAND ALBUM “FUCK YOU” AND IT FUCKING ROCKS AND ITS STILL ROCKING. DO YOU LIKE TO LAUGH? GET THIS AND LOOK AT IT, CUS ITS FUNNY. THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER FOR THIS PIECE OF 2011 PERFECTION IS NONE OTHER THAN CRAZY BAND’S OWN  JTD. SHE PLAYS THE SAX AND WROTE/SINGS THE ANTHEM “SCRAYCH”. ITS ONE OF THE TRUEST, MOST BADAYASS SONGS EVER MADE. DONT WORRY BABY, WHEN IVE GOT AN ITCH THERE IS NOTHING IM GOING TO DO OTHER THAN “SCRAYCH MY MOTHER FUCKING ACE”. 
WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE INSERT YOU WILL FIND THE LYRICS. BE PREPARED TO CRY CRY CRY TILL YOU DIE DIE DIE CUS THIS SHIT IS PRETTY FUNNY TOO. I AM IMAGINING THAT EVERY PERSON WHO READS THE LYRICS WILL TRY TO LICK THEIR OWN BOOB. MAYBE FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND I KNOW THAT CRAZY BAND WOULD LOVE THAT SINCE THEY ARE PERSONAL FRIENDS OF MINE AND I ASKED THEM MYSELF.
ALTHOUGH J.FKR WRITES MOST OF THE LYRICS. SHE IS NOT THE ONLY CONTRIBUTER. BOOBOO FEEFEE AND D.URINE HELPED WRITE MANY OF THE LRYICS TO “THAT DONT MAKE SENSE DOG”. BOOBOO FEEFEE POSSIBLY MADE ONE LYRICAL CONTRIBUTION FOR THE ENTIRE RECORD, BUT IT IS ALSO ONE OF THE BEST ONES. IF “GIRL THAT ASS YOU GOT IS SCANDLOUS” WASNT THE LAST LINE OF THE LAST VERSE OF “TDMSD” THEN I MIGHT NOT WANT TO HEAR IT AT ALL. 
I HAPPENED TO BE HANGING OUT WITH THE BAND THE DAY THAT THEY WROTE THE LYRICS TO THE FAST HEAVY INCREDIBLE WOWER “ATE SHIT”. THEY WERE FKING AROUND AT THE OLD HOUSE ON THE INFAMOUS BONNIE BRAE AND J. FKR ASKED JAZMO R. WHAT SHE SHOULD WRITE A SONG ABOUT. JAZMO’S REPLY WAS “MAKE A SONG ABOUT EATING SHIT WHEN YOURE SKATEBOARDING” AND THEN A 20 SECOND STAR WAS BORN. 
WHEN LISTENING TO “FUCK YOU” YOU MIGHT THINK “WOW, THESE PEOPLE ARE A BUNCH OF FUCKING STONERS” BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING! THERE WERE ONLY TWO STONERS IN THE BAND WHEN THEY FIRST GOT TOGETHER AND NOW THERE ARE NO STONERS. NONE, NOT A SINGLE ONE. OF COURSE WHEN THE SONG “THE WEED SONG” WAS WRITTEN THE TWO STONERS OF THE BAND WERE IN FULL MONEY WASTING, BONG BREAKING, JOINT SMOKING IN FREEWAY TRAFFIC, VENICE BEACH OBSESSED HIGHS… AND IM GLAD THEY WERE BECAUSE IF THIS SONG DIDNT EXHIST I WOULD “BLOW OUT MY BRAINS”. 
HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR HEART STOLEN BY A BASSIST? IF NOT, THERES A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING AND BOOBOO FEEFEE WILL SURELY STEAL YOURS. HER SOLO IN “THAT DONT MAKE SENSE DOG” IS LIKE ACUPUNCTURE. SHE REALLY KNOWS THE RIGHT STRINGS TO PLUCK. NOT ONLY DOES SHE COME UP WITH HEART WRENCHING BASS LINES. SHE CAME UP WITH THE HAUNTING GUITAR PARTS IN “CALIFORNIA CRYBABIES” THAT MAKE YOU WET YOUR BED. 
INTRO MASTER JAZMO R. OF TRICK OR TREAT ST. DOESNT LIMIT HER GUITAR PLAYING TO HEAVY, FAST AND INSANE. SHE DELIGHTS US WITH HER DELICATE, PRECISE AND BEAUTIFUL STYLE IN “DROP OUT” AND “ZEN MAFIA TUMBL”. HER BAND MATES ARE ALWAYS DEMANDING SHE TURN UP HER GUITAR AND AMP, AND ITS NO WONDER WHY. IF YOU WERE AT THE SMELL ON SUNDAY AUGUST 28TH 2011 FOR THE TEENAGE TEARDROPS 5 YEAR, THEN YOU FINALLY GOT TO HEAR J.R. TURNED UP LOUD ENOUGH. SO LOUD THAT HER AMP CAUGHT FIRE. 
NOT ONLY IS JTD A SINGER AND GRAPHIC DESIGNER IN CRAZY BAND, SHE PLAYS THE GD SAX TOO! AND THANK CARAMEL BOBBY FOR THAT BECAUSE FUCKING HELL MAN. I NEVER HEARD ANYBODY PLAY THE SAXOPHONE LIKE SHE DOES. THE BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN DRUMS AND SAX ON “NOT” IS LIKE LISTENING IN ON A SECRET CONVERSATION THAT YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE LANGUAGE OF. THE END OF “DROP OUT” IS LIKE HAVING AN ICE COLD SPIKE ENTER YOUR HEART AND MAGICALLY HEAL YOU. THE SAX IN THE BEGINNING OF “MEMORIZED” IS LIKE A FIST PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE, AS IF TRYING TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE INSANITY TO COME IN THE REST OF THE SONG, AND IT DOES. 
CRAZY BAND IS NOT A GIRL BAND. THEY ARE A BUNCH OF SEXIST SCUMBAGS AND DO NOT WANT TO BE LINKED OR ASSOCIATED WITH ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY GIRL BANDS. ONE REASON IS THAT THE DRUMMER IN CRAZY BAND IS A GDZMMF MAN. THE SOLO IN “WITCH HAT” BY C. ANTHOG LEAVES YOU WONDERING ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE. NOT ONLY IS IT MIND BLOWING AND TO THE POINT. ONCE C. ANTHOG GETS TO THE POINT HE BREAKS IT. HIS DRUMMING PERFORMANCES ON “FUCK YOU” LET EVERY OTHER DRUMMER THAT EVER LIVED, KNOW THAT THEY JUST GOT MODED. THEY DONT EVEN HAVE TO MOVE OVER, THEY CAN STAY WERE THEY ARE BECAUSE C. ANTHOG HAS BUILT HIS OWN THRONE FAR FAR AWAY OFF IN THE DISTANCE WHERE THEY CANT EVEN FIND HIM IF THEY TRIED. 
THE WAY D. URINE TREATS HER MINT GREEN, STICKER COVERED, PISSED ON GUITAR IS ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU CUM. BUT SHE DOESNT STOP THERE. THE FIRST TIME YOU HEAR HER VOICE IS IN THE CHORUS OF “THE WEED SONG” IT IS LIKE FALLING IN LOVE SO HARD THAT YOU WANT TO DIE. “THE WEED SONG” SOUNDS TROPICAL AND HAPPY, BUT THE LYRICS ARE ABOUT SMOKING WEED INSTEAD OF KILLING YOURSELF. WHEN D. URINE STARTS SINGING THE SECOND VERSE, YOU WISH YOU COULD PUT YOUR HEART IN A GRINDER AND ROLL IT IN A JOINT. SHE SINGS WITH AN URGENCY AND SLIGHT FAKE ACCENT THAT DEMANDS SOMEBODY TO HIT THIS SHIT FAST!
J. FKR’S LYRICS IN “CAN YOU LICK YOUR OWN BOOB” ARE RELATABLE IN SO MANY WAYS. YES! I CAN “LICK MY OWN BOOB”. YES! “I DID JUST RUN OUT OF LUBE”. YES! MY “BONER IS HARD AS MATH”. YES! “MY STYLE DID RUN OUT OF CLASS”. AND YES! TO THE REST OF THE SONG AND YES! TO THE WHOLE GDZMMF ALBUM. WHEN SHE SINGS THE SONGS, IT IS CLEAR THAT SHE NOT ONLY DOESNT CARE WHAT YOU THINK, BUT SHE LOVES YOU AND HATES YOU AT THE SAME TIME. IT IS ALSO CLEAR WHEN LISTENING TO THE ALBUM THAT IT WAS RECORDED BY A TRU MASTER OF THE ART OF RECORDING. THE END RESULT OF F. BERMUDEZ’S WORK ON “FUCK YOU” IS PERFECTION ENOUGH FOR AN ERECTION.
DONT BE AN DUMBASS AND MISS THIS ONE.  ”FUCK YOU” WILL BE AVAILABLE IN 12INCH FORM ON TEENAGE TEARDROPS AND TAPE FORM ON BURGER RECORDS. THERE IS GOING TO BE A RECORD RELEASE PARTY AND SHOW AT OOGA BOOGA ON SEPTEMBER 4TH 2011 IN CHINA TOWN, LOS ANGELES. SEE YOU THERE MFS. 

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